The Lavatory Assembly
by TheMockingKnight
Summary: Ginny Weasley didn't intend for Harry to be one of the last people to find out about her pregnancy. Unfortunately an accidental congregation in the toilets of The Leaky Cauldron took the decision out of her hands. In other words how James Sirius Potter was almost called Trevor in memory of a brave and trampled toad. Slightly inspired by a scene from BBC comedy Gavin and Stacey.


_Synopsis - Ginny Weasley didn't intend for Harry to be one of the last people to find out about her pregnancy. Unfortunately an accidental congregation in the toilets of The Leaky Cauldron took the decision out of her hands. In other words how James Sirius Potter was almost called Trevor in memory of a brave and trampled toad. _

When Molly Weasley suggested a family meal at the Leaky Cauldron to celebrate Hermione and Ron's return from honeymoon she'd originally been delighted, however at the time Hermione had not realised she would end up seated next to her husbands rather notorious Great Aunt. In fact the original guest list hadn't even included Muriel, it was supposed to only be Ginny, Harry and Mr and Mrs Weasley. Unfortunately Muriel had turned up as they were due to leave the Burrow and they'd had no choice but to invite her.

Muriel had been blathering on into Hermione's ear for what felt like an eternity and although Hermione had attempted to politely disengage the old witch, all such attempts had failed. She looked over to her husband, Ron had gravy dribbling down his chin and was wholly focused on the plate in front of him, Hermione sighed dejectedly and continued to listen to the mutterings of the woman next to her. As she was resigning herself to a long conversation with Muriel about the best ways to improves one's postures (Apparently she should spend less time reading books and more time balancing them on her head) she felt a sharp prod in the shoulder and turned to look behind her.

"That old Hag by the bar keeps staring at me, will you come with me?" Ginny smiled innocently and looked pointedly towards the nearby toilets. Hermione sighed in relief and nodded immediately, uttering her apologies to Muriel and following Ginny into the bathroom, trying her best to not to stoop and therefore further increase Muriel's complaints about her disagreeable posture.

"Thanks for saving me, I thought I'd be stuck there all night, Ron wasn't sparing me a second glance." Hermione replied, looking at her reflection in the mirror as she tried to comb her hair threw with her fingers. She paused briefly, remembering what Ginny had told her before she'd gone on her honeymoon.

"Don't worry about it. That old bat could drive anyone crazy." Ginny smiled and leant against the countertop, her mind clearly on other things.

"Have you told him yet?" Blurted out Hermione, looking pointedly at Ginny's stomach and raising an eyebrow. Ginny bit her lip before shaking her head, telling Hermione all she needed to know.

"I don't just want to spring it on him, he's had enough shocks to last a lifetime, I'm going to break it to him gently. I just need to find the right moment." Ginny replied defensively.

"I don't think there is a right time Ginny. You're just going to have to get it over with and tell him." Hermione muttered. Ginny exhaled loudly, feeling her emotions spiralling out of control, Hermione just didn't seem to grasp how hard it was to tell your husband of his impending fatherhood.

"Do you just want me to go out there and break the news that I'm pregnant in the middle of dinner?" Ginny let out an exasperated sigh as she imagined the following scenario, it would likely involve a vast amount of food falling out of Ron's open mouth and a lecture from Muriel on childrearing, both experiences she felt she could do without. Ginny looked in the mirror only to see that two other people had entered the room. Her breath hitched slightly, wondering if they'd heard her outburst, she didn't have to wonder for very long.

"You're pregnant, that's marvellous news Ginny. I thought I could sense Kippermonkeys in the air, they generally follow pregnant women. Don't worry they're not dangerous, in fact they're truly very gentle creatures." Luna Lovegood immediately pulled on some glasses and started to walk around Ginny, clearly examining her for Kippermonkeys or whatever other unproven creatures she thought liked to spend time around pregnant woman. Neville Longbottom on the other hand simply stood awkwardly by the door, fiddling absentmindedly with the button of his cuff.

"She's trying to figure out the best way to tell Harry, why are you two in here anyway?" Hermione spied Neville fidgeting nervously and noted his puffy eyes and downcast demeanour.

"Are you alright Neville?" Hermione asked, putting aside Ginny's news for a moment to concentrate of Neville's obvious distress.

"He's upset, Trevor's dead." Luna replied before Neville could answer, as she spoke the toads name Neville sniffled slightly, hanging his head.

"As in Trevor, the toad?" Ginny questioned, looking curiously at Neville who was now clasping and unclasping his hands together in a rather frantic manor. Personally Ginny thought Trevor had been rather fortunate for a toad, he must have been at least fifteen years old and he'd lived through an entire wizarding war.

"Yes, we came in hear to talk about Trevor and to briefly mourn his passing." Luna answered, nodding solemnly as she paused her inspection of Ginny, clearly content that the Kippermonkeys were doing whatever it is that Kippermonkeys were supposed to do.

"You've come to the ladies loos to mourn a toad's passing?" Hermione supposed she should be baffled but quite frankly this was not very abnormal behaviour when it came to Luna and Neville.

"Not ideal, but Neville's Grans outside and with it being her that squashed him with her walking stick…." Luna said sympathetically, moving over to Neville and gently patting his shoulder. Ginny and Hermione winced at the thought of the squashed toad, no wonder Neville was upset, seeing Trevor being squashed probably wasn't the nicest for Neville to see his childhood pet pass away.

"Not really her fault, but I needed a moment, you know how it is…" Neville added to the conversation, still appearing wholly downcast and forlorn.

"Sure" Hermione and Ginny replied, equally bemused and disgusted at the thought of Augusta Longbottom squashing a toad with her walking stick. Hermione couldn't imagine that Neville's Gran was that thrilled about having toad guts on her favoured brass plated walking stick. Ginny simply wished she'd stayed in the bar and got to watch Augusta Longbottom squash her Grandson's toad, oh well, she'd simply have to ask Harry whether he'd seen it and then get all the details from him.

"So when's the baby due? I bet Harry'll be thrilled." Neville said as the door opened once again.

"Harry thrilled? What'll Harry be thrilled about Neville? Muriel sent me to check you two hadn't got lost." Arthur Weasley smiled jubilantly, looking expectantly at the other occupants of the ladies loos. Ginny groaned loudly shaking her head in sheer disbelief at her own misfortune whilst Hermione grimaced, looking towards Ginny to give an explaination.

"I'm pregnant Dad, haven't got around to telling Harry yet." Ginny answered, smiling as she saw her father's joyful expression. Mr Weasley stood still for a moment, absorbing the knowledge of his daughters pregnancy before moving towards her and placing his arms around her in a gentle hug.

"That's wonderful news Ginny, Harry and your Mother will be delighted." Mr Weasley let go off his daughter and took a step back.

"What in the wizarding world is taking you all so long? Whatever's the matter with Neville?" Molly Weasley came blundering in to the toilets, her eyes widening for a moment with surprise as she saw Neville standing next to her, his head still hung as he clearly thought of the demise of his beloved toad.

"Augusta squashed his toad with her walking stick." Ginny replied in a matter of fact tone, trying her best to look appropriately solemn.

"Oh dear, well that is sad news Neville. Perhaps you can get a new toad?" Mrs Weasley gently probed.

"Trevor was one of kind Mrs Weasley, he's sort of irreplaceable." Neville murmured.

"Well I'm sure his memory will live on." Mrs Weasley replied maintaining a sympathetic demeanour.

"Maybe Ginny could name her baby Trevor?" Luna responded still preoccupied with examining the room for Kippermonkeys. Ginny exhaled loudly and Hermione and Neville let out small gasps. Mrs Weasley on the other hand squealed before throwing herself at her daughter and enveloping her into a bone crushing hug.

"Another grandchild, that is marvellous news! I bet Harry's thrilled!" Molly Weasley beamed at her daughter, failing to see the drop in Ginny's expression.

"Ginny hasn't told Harry yet." Hermione stated, once again directing a disapproving place in Ginny's direction causing Ginny to roll her eyes.

"What haven't you told Harry yet? I've come to check you haven't been abducted, it was either that or let Harry come and then find myself left all alone with Muriel." Ron looked over at his sister briefly before visibly cringing, his nose wrinkling slightly at the thought of a moment alone with his Great Aunt.

"You haven't left Harry all alone with Muriel have you Ron?" Ginny asked, immediately feeling a rush of sympathy towards her husband.

"He'll be fine, she loves Harry, saviour of the Wizarding world and all that, you'd think I spent my seventh year drinking tea and dunking biscuits the way she goes on. Why are you lot all still in here anyway?" Ron grumbled, folding his arms and appearing rather disgruntled. Ginny sighed and begun to explain her current predicament…

Meanwhile, in the restaurant of the Leaky Cauldron a young man and elderly lady were discussing the great pleasure of fire whiskey. The elderly witch was raving about it's supposed beneficial properties and the young wizard silently praising the properties of merriment which were currently working hard to increase his good mood and block out the witch's blathering.

"You should come and visit me more often Mr Potter, it's nice to have a sensible wizard finally join the family, Merlin knows Arthur couldn't seem to produce one." Muriel grimaced, making her wrinkled face look even less attractive than usual.

"That sounds delightful Aunt Muriel." Harry muttered, taking a sip of his fire whiskey and looking towards the women's bathroom.

"Indeed, any chance your interested in herbology? I could show you my blithering tulips, they're in bloom at the moment." Muriel questioned, looking thoughtful for a moment.

"Nothing would please me more than to see your blithering tulips. I've never actually seen blithering tulips." Harry took her silence as a need for a reply and consented, he figured it was easier to go along with Muriel.

"Well, I didn't think you would have, they're very exotic boy." Muriel continued to spout about her blithering tulips and Harry continued to drink his fire whiskey in a search for oblivion, blissfully unaware of the conversation taking place only fifty feet away in a nearby ladies lavatory.

"Merlin's Dirty Underwear, Bloody Hell. You've got to tell him Ginny, You've got to tell him tonight." Ron bellowed, choosing to ignore the raising of his mother's eyebrows at his choice of language.

"I know, I know." Ginny sighed dejectedly and nodded.

"How long have you known?" Ron asked, appearing to calm down a little and holding onto the countertop for support, clearly the news of his impending jaunt into Uncle-hood had come as a complete surprise.

"Since our wedding, so about three weeks." Hermione replied, looking sympathetically at Ginny.

"Hang on, you knew? Why didn't you tell me? Bloody hell, is there anyone who doesn't know?" Ron grunted, his mouth hung open slightly, clearly the news of his wife's knowledge coming as a total surprise. The other occupants of the ladies loos looked around at each other, trying to figure out who was yet to find out about Ginny's pregnancy.

"My Gran doesn't know." Neville blurted out only to be ignored as Hermione launched into a spiel.

"I did try and tell you, remember when I mentioned that I was reading a book on the forced and illegal breeding of house elves, I tried to tell you then but you stopped listening to me and wandered off to the bar halfway through." Hermione remarked, recounting the discussion they'd had in Southern France about the abuse of house elves, she fingered the SPEW badge that was attached to her lapel.

"Let me get this straight, you tried to tell me my sister was pregnant through a story about house elves." Ron asked in bemusement.

"It's not a story Ronald. It's all fact, the way they're treated is abominable, I wish you'd join the SPEW committee." Hermione sighed loudly and turned her nose up at her husband, her thoughts turning towards his lack of consideration towards house elf rights.

"For goodness sake, none of this really matters. The only thing that matters is that the only person who should know about Ginny's pregnancy doesn't, he's stuck outside in the clutches of Muriel." Arthur Weasley interrupted, the rooms attention turning towards him. Ginny grimaced at the thought of poor Harry being stuck with Muriel, you'd of thought that he'd been through enough, spending much longer alone with Muriel might just push him over the edge.

"Poor Harry, we should really go and rescue him from her insistent gossiping." Mr Weasley muttered.

"Oh for Merlin's sake." Ginny muttered before marching out of the toilet, followed by the other occupants. She strode confidently back towards the table from whence the majority of them had been and came to stop in front of Harry.

"I'm pregnant Harry. You're going to be a father." Before Ginny had even completed uttering the words Harry had fallen off his stool, his glasses cracking as he hit the cold stone floor and his half-full glass of fire whiskey spilling all over the flaw. Ginny gasped as she peered at her husband before looking back at her Aunt Muriel, her eyebrows raising in an expression of anger.

"Merlin Ron, your Aunt Muriel's turned Harry into a drunk." Neville exclaimed, his eyes widening as he examined Harry's form lying in a puddle of fire whiskey on the floor.

"Not my fault if the lad can't handle his drink." Muriel grimaced at Harry's unconscious form and immediately returned to her own drink.

"Ginny, Do you think you'll name the baby Trevor? Neville asked hopefully, a faint smile appearing on his face.

"I'll think about it Neville." Ginny replied, failing to mention that she'd already thought about and decided against it.


End file.
